


Waiting is Worse

by LordessScribes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Implied Violence, M/M, i have a lot of ideas fueled by my bf, i kept the surrounding circumstances pretty vague on purpose, my take on how saix got his scar, pre castle of oblivion, theyre about 19 in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23784301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordessScribes/pseuds/LordessScribes
Summary: My take on how Saix got his scar. Following a failure on an assignment wherein they failed because of Axel, Saix takes the fall for them both.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	Waiting is Worse

“Damnit!” Axel threw his chakram into the wall and they both flinched against the clang of metal on ceramic. It echoed throughout the long, pristine hallways and faded slowly. They listened for someone to respond to the noise, but nothing happened and they relaxed again. 

“You’re going to make it worse, just sit down.” Saix said, curled up against the wall and staring anxiously at the tall double doors they had been commanded to wait outside of. He felt small, and his ears still rang from Axel’s outburst. Waiting was worse than punishment, he decided. 

“I can’t sit still right now! We’re dead and it’s all my fault! I’m such an idiot!” Without his chakrams to fidget with, Axel dug his hands into his hair and paced back and forth. It wasn’t helping Saix’s own nerves but he couldn’t bring himself to make him stop.

“Throwing tantrums won’t do anything.” 

“What am I going to do? What if he kills me or-or kicks me out! I can’t go anywhere like this!” He gestured to his body and sniffed hard to keep himself from crying. While Axel rambled, Saix pushed himself to his feet and grit his own teeth. “I don’t have anywhere to go- I don’t have any  _ way _ to go anywhere- I-” 

“Axel.” Even two years into its use, the name still felt foreign in Saix’s mouth. His own name was easier feel used to. “I’m going to handle this. I promise.” He took Axel’s hand and if Saix thought his feelings were real, it might have comforted him somewhat when Axel squeezed it back. “Let me do the talking.” Even if it wasn’t real, it couldn’t hurt to pretend. 

“Just like always. Ok.” Despite the dread in his eyes, Axel still managed to smile. Saix tried as well, but the double doors had cracked open with an ominous groan. 

He dropped Axel’s hand and squared his shoulders. He had to pretend something else now. 

The room Xemnas stood in was tall and wide, the same white ceramic tile that made up the entire headquarters. Just like the rest of the world, it’s existence was pointless and wouldn’t last beyond its use. Its emptiness only fueled the dread that carried Saix’s feet forward. 

They stopped several meters from him and waited. 

First Xemnas seemed to glare at them both. Then his eyes turned pointedly to Axel. 

“What. Happened.” 

Axel’s breath shuddered when he inhaled to speak. 

“I take full responsibility for the failure of our assignment.” Saix said, voice clear and solid. It didn’t shake at all, which surprised even himself. He bowed his head and continued, “I was put in charge in Xaldin’s stead, therefore the blame is mine.” He could pretend it was an easy thing to say. He could even pretend he believed it. 

Xemnas’s glare had faltered for surprise, but Axel stared harder, eyes wide. Really, what did he expect when Saix had said he’d handle it? There was no use lying to the Organization. He hoped that the calm look he sent would keep Axel from trying to argue. Just let him do the talking, like always. 

Xemnas’s eyes narrowed again, but this time from suspicion rather than the seething rage. Saix wasn’t sure which was worse. “Xigbar has already given me his report.” 

“I know.” Saix met his eyes. No use trying to lie. 

Xemnas was silent for a long moment, staring at Saix as if giving him time to back out of his decision. He waited for Saix to break character and admit it was all Axel’s fault and that they would have been successful with any other member of the organization. He waited for him to drop the brave facade, to do the smart thing and throw his friend under the bus. 

Saix kept quiet, and waited for him as well. 

Xemnas’s eyes remained in place when he spoke again. “Number Eight, you are dismissed.” 

He had remained confident until Xemnas said that. 

Axel’s few moments of hesitation stretched for an eternity. Saix hadn’t had trouble keeping his composure until Axel was ordered away. He clenched his teeth to keep quiet. 

Don’t go. The words screamed in his mind, alongside the realization that he was terrified. Don’t leave me. He was impossibly terrified of being separated from Axel by even a single room. Don’t leave me  _ here _ . He was terrified of Xemnas. Don’t leave me _ alone _ . He wanted so hard to beg him to stay. 

He was so scared of facing Xemnas alone. No matter how fake his emotions were supposed to be, he was scared. 

Maybe Axel could see the terror in Saix’s eyes, so he tore them away and kept them on the far wall until the sound of his footsteps were overshadowed by the door slamming shut behind him. He kept staring straight ahead until the sound of his own mind paled in comparison to the silence of the room around him. 

The clip of Xemnas’s boots broke the silence, as he slowly stepped closer to better look down on Saix. He felt like a cornered prey. 

“It is not only foolish, but a deadly weakness to insistently cling to the memory of caring about another person.” Xemnas began, stopping less than an arm’s length away. Was that his excuse for the paralyzing fear that gripped Saix’s body? “Protecting someone else, especially one so self destructive as Axel, will only ever drag you down.” He reached out for Saix, who didn’t quite disguise his flinch. “But.” With the lightest touch, Xemnas tipped his face up to look him in the eye. “Your strength of spirit is, nonetheless, admirable. As is your admittedly impressive capability for leadership.” 

Xemnas’s hand moved from lifting Saix’s chin to holding it, gently, but threateningly. The kind of hold that promised pain. Waiting was worse than punishment. 

“Do you know what the X in each member’s name symbolizes?” 

Not trusting himself to try and shake his head, Saix forced himself to speak. “No.” 

“It is a symbol of the Organization being what defines your existence, it is what gives you purpose to live as a Nobody. You carry it with you and wear it in your name so we can never mistake one of our own.” His pale gold irises were cold, so cold Saix could feel it seeping into his body from the inside out. “It is also how we track and control our members. The more a part of the Organization you are, the more it is a part of you.” 

Xemnas seemed to trail off for a moment, releasing his chin and, with the very edge of his thumb, brushing the space between Saix’s eyebrows. He frowned thoughtfully and withdrew his hand completely before turning and stepping away. 

Saix released a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding. 

“You will bear the punishment for both yourself and Number Eight.” Xemnas said, facing him once again. “And.” He glanced down at his hand, opening and closing it as if contemplating how to use it. “You will be promoted. Lexeaus is useless in his position, and so you will replace him.” When his hand came down, a beam of light followed it, and the sharp hum of his ethereal blade cut through the silence once again. 

Saix watched the light, breath quickening. Xemnas was so powerful he didn’t even need a physical weapon to be deadly. He held it relaxed at his side, like he didn’t care to consider the literally murderous amount of power he was wielding as if it were nothing. 

“Do you accept these conditions? Will you take the additional responsibility, status, and power, at the price of today’s failure?” 

Saix wanted to run. He wanted to get himself as far away from the red light extending from Xemnas’s palm. He wanted to scream for Axel to come back, to save him from himself. He was shivering, his body otherwise rigid, frozen to the spot with terror. He didn’t want to be alone, why had he faced Xemnas alone? Why had Lea left him here alone? 

Because Saix had told him to. 

He closed his eyes. He was scared, but worse than that, he couldn’t stand to wait. 

“Yes.” 

  
  
  


Axel had left when dismissed. Beyond all reason, he knew better than to argue with Xemnas. Saix had told him to let him handle it, and to not worry. 

Axel was far more worried waiting out in the hallway than he would have been by Saix’s side. It felt wrong to be separate. Was he trying to lie about what happened? Was he apologizing for Axel’s idiocy and trying to do the same damage control he had been their entire lives? Would it work on Xemnas? 

Was he just trying to protect Axel from the worst by acting as a shield?

Axel groaned and dug his hands into his hair again, clenching his fists and tugging on the wild strands until it hurt. How could he just stand here while Saix was probably kissing Xemnas’s ass all because of  _ Axel’s _ screwup?! He knew they promised to look out for each other but this waiting was worse than any punishment Xemnas could cook up. 

Maybe that  _ was _ the punishment, being left to wait and stress. 

The scream that cut through even the solid ceramic walls killed that theory fast. 

“ISA!” Axel slammed his fist against the door and pulled with his entire weight on the handle without results. It wasn’t until he stepped back to look for  _ some _ way into the room that they crept open again. 

“I-Saix?!” Saix was gone, only Xemnas remained standing before the last wisps of a black cloud of smoke. 

He looked up when Axel entered, unsurprised but definitely not pleased as he turned to face him. 

“Where is he? Where did he go?!” Axel had zero right to demand answers, but Xemnas humored him anyway. 

“Saix has gone to receive medical attention. You would do well to worry about yourself.” It was an obvious threat, but Axel saw nothing but red behind the moisture pooling in his eyes. 

“ _ What did you do to him?! _ ” 

“Nothing that he did not wish for. Dismiss your righteous anger before you believe it to be real. Delusions are not tolerable here.” Xemnas stepped past him confidently, the bastard, and even paused to look down at him as he went. “Your imagined companionship will destroy him. If you wish to see him grow, then you will leave him to his own power.” 

Axel had nothing to answer him with, and instead wiped his face until he was sure Xemnas was gone. 


End file.
